Friday, November 30, 2012

I Seem To Have Misplaced My...

My computer I have been thinking about blogging a bit more and it seems as though I have forgotten the simplest things like copy and paste, how to post pictures, and just in general the basic skills that are tricks of the trade.
That and I have become lazy in how I post, how often, the effort I put into the context, research, etc.

I keep thinking I would like to post things that are of a more hopeful and inspiring content. And yet, I find myself on many days going, umm...yeah...I got nothing. Or the ever famous, that would be too much work.
It used to come so easy. *sigh*

I am working on quitting smoking so it is possible that things could get a little more exciting around here. Just as it is possible I could become even more lazy. Heaven forbid.
I would appreciate if people would leave me comments on how to take pictures from the internet to use here, copy and paste instructions, etc. Whatever you have to offer will likely be appreciated as I seem to have forgotten everything. Or thoughts on what it would interest you to see. So please feel free...

Monday, November 26, 2012

9 Months and Counting

My therapist says it takes approximately 3 years to complete the grieving process I pretty much think that sucks. It is a strange process to be sure because in the beginning all I thought about was how I had lost this person that was completely integral to me. Necessary on so many levels. And I was devastated.
Now I am far enough away from the initial sense of loss to remember that sometimes this person could also be an asshole who pushed me to the extreme and occasionally beyond. Does it help to remember these things? Maybe a little. I still don't believe that I am better off without them. And therein lies the rub.

My faith has taken a serious pounding over this last year and is shaky on the best of days. I keep waiting for some magical moment of, okay I am better now! It doesn't work that way though, at least not for me.
There have been so many losses and changes and just plain bad news moments that I wonder when something is going to give. Maybe I am just tired of God telling me no or not right now.
I miss the horses something fierce, I miss the dogs, I miss what used to be my life and so much more. I miss having dreams, hopes, and expectations for that life. Mostly I miss having faith that it will all somehow work out for the best.

Someone asked me THE question. You know, "is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all?" What a stupidly emphatically profound question. I think the point is with love you don't always have a choice whether or not you are going to experience it. I think sometimes it just happens and you are either going with the current or against it. Either way you are still experiencing it.
I have another friend who insists that this is my opportunity to be reborn and to reinvent myself. That sounds so easy doesn't it? I wonder who I will be when I emerge from this molding process. Or what.

I really don't mean for this to read all sad and poor pitiful me. I know that there is something wonderful just waiting to happen in its own time. I know that nothing very good or very bad lasts very long. I know these things in logic and reality. It is just the waiting that is kicking my ass at the time being.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Hustling For Candy

So yesterday was Halloween. We dress up our kids, parade them around town, and let them knock on strangers doors with the anticipation of receiving candy and other treats. Weird Holiday and message much?
Don't take me wrong I was the one who told my kid to be sure and hit up the local business district as well.
What can I say, my boy is a good sharer and I have a weakness for butterfingers and candy corn.

Mario and things with wings seemed to be the big themes for costumes this year. There really was a parade, and the Jay Cee's put together a haunted house experience in the old co-op.  I almost forgot for a moment here and there that I have another child with cancer. I really thought those were words I would never have to say, let alone think. Silly me.

I was also having all sorts of random thoughts as we were going along. Like why don't they hold elections on Halloween? The whole "Trick or Treat" aspect would be a good fit. I wonder why they waste so much air space with empty promises and bullshit pretenses of civilized debate. Mr.Governor and Mr.President.
I would never last, you just know I would pop up with a hey listen up asshole or something like.

I have actually by accident become more politically aware and I remember why I used to judge the economy by the price of gasoline and Miracle Whip instead. It scares me, this whole world wide game of Monopoly.
It scares me because I am part of the low or slave income demographic, I can't afford to be a Republican. I can't even afford to fake it until I make it like 47% of the Republican demographic does.

For the record, in over 3.5lbs. of candy there wasn't a single package of candy corn this year. Not one, can you believe it? Damn Republicans I am blaming them for this, and the price of gas and Miracle Whip. And a non-liveable minimum wage, and cuts to programs that Americans besides me actually need. Did I mention that I think Mitt Romeny is an idiot? Yeah, these are just a few of the reasons I do not usually wax political.